unpredictable

i was 19 when i first found out i was prego it was a happy time, i had so many plans so many dreams..i wanted to have my baby not too old and not young i wanted to have energy to play with my baby to grow up in a way with my baby..i wanted to show him how to walk early cook different things for my baby, and just bond...so many plans and dreams...i thought well ill take a break from school for the first year and then go back to go full time and go to college for nursing..i was 20 when i had him, i didnt know what i got myself into, when he was born i was in so much pain but when he was born..he was perfect i was so happy i loved him more then life itself, he was mine to take care of..he was born and not a second did i feel like i didnt know what to do...it was always me and him,my diego...he was the best baby ever all he needed was to be with me, even when he slept he wanted to feel my presence..he was about to turn 4 months when he got sick, i thought it was a cold nothing serious...i was soo wrong, i was in the hospital for the second day diego seemed stable enough for me to go take a shower at home, i was gone for a couple of hours when i got a phone call that i needed to return to the hospital diego had turn for the worst..his heart rate was so elevated he couldnt cry anymore he needed oxygen for what i know now i feel he had a panic attack..the doctor didnt say too much besides that a a helicopter was on its way to pick him up...